woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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