I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
