Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my phone needs a breathalizer
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
