Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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