His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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