You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??