He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Barsexuality is the new black.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability