I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit