Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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