I'm gonna have a badass scar
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We smell like vodka and hangover
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