she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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