im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.