There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
