i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
