Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
