i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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