I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
