yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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