she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
