Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
