I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
