strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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