I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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