Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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