We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
