Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
