how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
