I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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