I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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