Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
