he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize