After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
