Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
