Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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