I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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