I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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