He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
