Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
