Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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