I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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