I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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