does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
