TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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