She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
