If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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