Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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