Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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