What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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