i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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