you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
