lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
