she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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