Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
