just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize