Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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