her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
