The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
