I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
