not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
