u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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