I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
