haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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