I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
