really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
