Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
