Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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