There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
