Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
