there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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