Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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