dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
