Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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