best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
